College Potties

If a shudder ran down your spine upon reading the title to this post, that was the appropriate response.

My resident hall is called Virginia- also the state I live in so when I get asked
"Where do you live?" and answer
"Virginia," the general response is
"No, I mean what resident hall do you live in?"
Virginia. I live in Virginia.

Anyways, Virginia houses around 200 girls and has hall bathrooms. I just want to take a moment to cover some of the glorious perks of these luxurious college bathrooms:

1) Toilets.
When flushing, it's recommended to jump out of the way before the cold toilet water splashes your legs. There is little I can compare to the experience of throwing myself into the stall door to stay dry after wrenching myself out of bed for my blessed morning classes.

2) Showers.
When someone flushes and you are in the shower, jump out of the water while it momentarily turns scalding hot. Don't touch the shower curtain either while you're at it- you don't know where it's been. And don't want to know.

I believe that these are tactics the University is using in an undercover operation to get our reflexes moving quickly to ensure survival when the world ends in 2012 and we all have to move underground. It's working- when I went home last weekend I jumped out of my shower when I heard the toilet flush in the other bathroom.

3) Sinks.
The protocol for sinks is Don't Ask. You really do not want to know what new unidentifiable substance is in there. I promise. Just prepare yourself by clamping down on your gag reflex before you reach that side of the bathroom.

4) The Bathroom Trivia Game:
Which stall won't be out of toilet paper? Whichever one you check last.

5) Smells.
Does the whole hall smell like bleach? The answer to this question will tell you wether or not the bathroom has been cleaned recently.

6) Paper Towels.
Without them, our pants become towels. Just like at that crappy restaurant hangout you were at all the time in high school.

7) Floors.
The Virginia Hall bathroom floors have been wet since the dawn of time and will be until 2012 when all the buildings melt. Accept it. Embrace it. Don't wear socks in there (Unless you like mushy feet- that's your prerogative).